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EMPLOYMENT AND LIFE CHANGE ARTICLES
Key Strategies to Survive a Job Lay-off
It seems that every employer in the world is cutting staff these days. The headlines are full of companies announcing their latest job cuts. We’re hopeful that the predictions by some economists of 8 to 9% unemployment are not too conservative, and don’t end up over 10%. I react to that statistic by emphasizing that 92% of workers who want to be employed now are working. As a family therapist, I’m confronted with stories from my clients that are laden with fear and anxiety. It’s normal for all of us to be highly concerned about the toll that this economic downturn is taking on our mental and fiscal wellbeing.
My challenge is to re-frame the end of the world thinking by these intelligent, talented persons, who turn to me for inspiration and advice. I would like to share some of the ideas that have come up in sessions where we work collaboratively to stare down this stress monster. These ideas are practical, and do not ask you to re-invent yourself, although some clients have taken their misfortune to try something new for work. There is no sugar-coating how bad things are in the workplace, but unbridled anxiety is not going to help your situation.
1) The Importance of Saying “Yes”
In this economy you have to think about all opportunities to connect with others. You’ll have to be nimble and aggressive in building your network, and the biggest piece of that is to say “yes” to all kinds of invitations. Whether it’s a community meeting to discuss how to allocate space for parks, or coffee with a former co-worker, or attending business networking events sponsored by Biznik, or other business networking groups, it’s imperative to get out there and interact. From Parade Magazine (Page 13, January 2009), actress Kerri Russell summed it up best: “Opportunities can be wildly different from what you perceived they were going to be. If you have your eye on just one thing, you might miss something better. I realize that, in life, new experiences are the only things that matter. If you way ‘no’ to everything, what do you have?”
2) Make hard choices between needs and wants
This is as straightforward and pragmatic as it sounds. You don’t really need that latte every morning from Starbucks (sorry, Mr. Schultz)! Make coffee at home, and save $100/month. Examine all of your recurring expenses like cell phone bills, cable TV bills, utilities, health clubs, magazines, and decide where to cut. Of course when things get back to normal, you can slowly add these things back to your life. For now, batten down the hatches and eliminate all “wants” expenses.
3) Think in terms of one to two degrees of separation
This is a critical planning function to get back on your feet after a lay-off. Who do you know? Who do they know? It’s amazing to watch how quickly you can find the right person to meet and further your career. Allocate a small amount of money to pay for coffee (Yes, you need to buy the lattes in this case, right Howard?), or get the bill at lunch. You need to always remember to ask that person for a few contacts to further your network. I find it helpful to send an email “thank you,” reminding the person of who they might have mentioned at lunch or coffee.
4) Have outlets to relieve stress
Whatever you do, do not cancel your health club membership! You need to have that anxiety outlet like never before. The human psyche needs to have anchors that give us control over something. Keeping your body fit and the satisfaction that comes with improving your fitness are fantastic to your mental wellbeing. Also, you may find fellow cardio slaves or basketball foes who may have a contact idea for you. You need to always be thinking about how your buddies at the gym may be that one-degree of separation.
5) Plan for the worst
In the military, leaders often script battle scenarios in which their army takes on maximum casualties. You need to think about a worst case outcome to your misfortune, short of catastrophic thinking like starving to death, and plan for that. If you find ways to handle the worst, then you can handle anything that happens.
6) Don’t hesitate to use helpful services
I’m hopeful that existing physical and mental health care services will not be cut too deeply during this difficult time. Use what is available to off-load some of that stress, or get help with sleep. I know that folks in my profession are quite willing to work with clients on an ability to pay basis. Private therapists like myself, who are in the process of obtaining adequate hours to sit for the licensing exam, are willing to cut their hourly rates to do the good work, and help out as many clients as possible.
During the holidays, my family and I decided to make a donation of food to our local food bank. While the experience was quite gratifying, I was surprised to see how much great food was available for needy families and individuals. Looking at all the fresh produce and baked goods, my stomach started grumbling. And after you eat, remember that we have jewels like Greenlake, Pike Place Market, and a bunch of great parks to take a relaxing walk with a friend or alone. It’s imperative that you keep your body working well during this stressful time so that you stay healthy and motivated for better times ahead.
7) If you can, go!
I’m sure that we’ve all thought about just getting the heck out of dodge to change our perspective and life course. Well, if you have the means, enjoy travel and adventure, what’s stopping you from heading to South America or Asia? I’ve never worked for any of the wonderful organizations that are doing great work in third world countries, but have read extensively about those who serve. A recent story about a Harvard educated lawyer, who decided to leave his stressful life at his law firm, has been working in places like Ecuador to help locals who have been victims of a broken justice system. With the internet, almost every possibility of a rewarding change in career and venue can be researched and actualized. Go for it!
8) Write in grateful terms
When considering your situation, it helps to find those things in your new life for which you can be grateful. One friend who was recently let go told me that his whole world has opened up since he left his company. He loves the fact that he can linger over lunch with a friend, and not worry about running to a meeting. The hiatus in his work life has also increased his time and availability to hang with his family, something that he truly enjoys and has been missing for a few years. Other ideas that you can ponder include the fact that you are a U.S. citizen, and that allows you enormous freedoms in your next career move or where you might live next. If you have some money saved, you can plan your budget to anticipate necessary spending, while considering whether or not you want to ruin a good summer in Seattle by working. The point is, we all have to find genuine touchstones of gratitude to re-frame this economic disaster, and keep from spiraling down the rabbit hole.
HELPFUL TOOLS FOR IMPROVING
BEHAVIOR AND COMMUNICATION
(THE FOLLOWING TOOL CAN BE USED WITH CHILDREN AND ADULTS TO UNDERSTAND THE ESCALATION PROCESS OF AN INDIVIDUAL. ONCE THE PATHWAY IS UNDERSTOOD, A DYNAMIC TRANSFORMATION CAN TAKE PLACE TO MODIFY A PERSON'S EXPRESSION OF ANGER. THIS TOOL HAS SAVED PARENTS AND COUPLES A LOT OF GRIEF OVER THE YEARS)
ANGER MANAGEMENT TOOLS
WHAT TICKS ME OFF?
I. TRIGGERS
* What pushes my buttons? _______________________
* What causes me to be really angry _______________________
_______________________
II. THOUGHTS
* Angry thoughts that affect my feelings _________________________
* Self-defeating thoughts _________________________
_________________________
III. FEELINGS
* What’s happening in my body? _________________________
* Other feelings (fear, sad) _________________________
_________________________
IV. BEHAVIOR
* What do I do? Say? _________________________
* Fight or flight? _________________________
* What’s my plan of attack? _________________________
V. OUTCOMES
* What are the negative effects? _________________________
* To me? To others? ___________________________
_________________________
* Now what? _________________________
_________________________
Click here for my article "Dealing with video game addiction."
Capitalism with Compassion
At a time when our lawmakers and president are struggling with healthcare reform, I had a great epiphany about what's truly at the root of the discord: Free enterprise and human weakness.
Written 3 weeks ago, read 1588 times since then.
As entrepreneurs we are as focussed as any individual or organization on the bottom line. It's a pure and simple fact of survival as a businessperson that we must make money to stay alive. As President Obama presented his healthcare case to Congress and the American people, I had a sudden epiphany about the whole debate. And believe me, it is of major concern to all of us in terms of the United States remaining a leader in the world. As our politicians, media, and the general public spew more vitriolic and mean-spirited barbs because of their selfish positions on health care as a private vs. public matter, I sit dejectedly with my thoughts that we, as a nation, are too divided at this critical time.
As a therapist who works with families and couples, I see the creases of concern on their faces when the mention of healthcare costs come up, including my fees. I'll work with all of my clients to meet their financial limitations just to do the work at this difficult time. While I'm not a complete soft-hearted mamby-pamby, I cannot turn away clients who are hurting and struggling financially because everyone deserves to have hope. If there were a true public healthcare option, similar to Medicaid or Medicare, my clients would get my counseling expertise, and the government would pay me. I would love to get a check from Old Uncle Sam, instead of paying one each April!
A Public Option. What would that really look like? Well, for one thing, it would take the pressure off of entrepreneurs like us to have a "sick day" fund, or carry the ridiculously named "disaster" insurance policy. There would be a large pool of money from our taxes that would pay for medical care. Not insurance against getting sick or hurt. Imagine if you could apply all of your energies and talents doing what you love, without the health expense albatross around your neck? Why is that France, Germany, the UK, Australia, and many other developed countries have this figured out, and we're still fighting about it?
I have a number of friends who are big fans of free enterprise. So am I. However, I argue that we have too many hard-nosed capitalists who think that the free market methodologies provide a platform for them to get as wealthy as possible, irrespective of the hurt they perpetrate on others (Bernie Madoff is the favorite whipping boy in this category, but the list is quite long). Now, here's the kicker.
If you happened to be a titan of the health insurance industry in this country, your raison d'etre is to maximize shareholder value. To maximize shareholder value, you must maximize premiums, and minimize costs to make a healthy profit each quarter, and return shareholder value. As the President told us, that imperative drives insurance companies to deny coverage to the sicker persons in our society, while keeping as many healthy folks on their rolls. Drop coverage for the guy with lung cancer, and keep increasing the costs for those who stay healthy and vibrant.
On the other side, Ted Kennedy stated the best reason to endorse a massive change in our health care system. "It's only fair to all Americans to have the kind of healthcare I have, especially if they cannot afford it." Kennedy was a wonderful man in terms of his generosity of spirit in recognizing his great fortune, while still championing the needs of the struggling. Well, it's a struggle for my family to pay insurance premiums of over $1,000 each month. We're not doing too badly either. Still, we're willing to do what it takes to cover the needs of the many who are one health emergency from personal disaster. It's just not right for hard-working entrepreneurs or others to face this dilemma.
So, my friends, stay hungry for that big contract, order, or paycheck, but don't lose your humanity over the chase for riches. I cringe when I hear someone say at a Biznik function that making as much money as possible is objective #1. How about making enough for you and yours, while keeping a small slice for helping a friend, neighbor, or colleague? I believe that capitalism with compassion i more important now than ever. Let's show the way.
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